Have you ever discovered a beautiful oasis in the midst of this disappointing world?
I did, just before an incredible breakthrough of learning to abide in Christ. I found an oasis I had longed for but soon I let go for the excellency of Jesus Christ.
My Friend Lydia
When I met my friend, who I will call Lydia (not her real name). My heart was blessed and the embers of my faith in Jesus were being stoked by the reminders of what it was like when I first believed.
So many disappointments, chattered dreams and desires had made me quite weary in my Christian walk. But somehow I managed to hang on more than once. And little by little God was healing the wounds of His child.
Impacted by a song called, “Have You Died?” by my precious friend, Abigail Miller, only prepared the way for my heart in the events that were about to take place.
When I met Lydia I was experiencing a wonderful tenderizing of my heart before the Lord. I was increasingly willing to follow Jesus and recieve all he had for me.
So Lydia, only added to the sweet blessing from my Heavenly Father. Lydia seem to fill our home with God’s grace. It was incredible! How could someone we hardly knew impact our lives so much? But she did.
I was able to open my heart to Lydia like I never have anyone before. Oh it was such an oasis of my Lord’s mercy! Hidden desires for my Lord Jesus were brought to life. Answered prayers were being revealed and new ones were being presented.
As my love grew for my dear friend so did my passion for Jesus Christ.
“Lord, I want to know you more,” was the whisper of my heart.
“Then minister to her,” was my Lord’s response.
Still quite feeble from having spent years of keeping back all God had for me, I wondered, “Can it be, you still desire to use me?”
I would often tell Lydia how I treasured the humble reality that I could serve her as our beloved Lord Jesus did when he washed the disciple’s feet, showing he truly was servant of all.
Oh how I desire to be like Jesus!
But then my Lord began to cause a turn of events as he challenged my heart to desire more. It was not enough that I desired to be like Jesus but rather my Lord wanted me to let Jesus be my all-in-all.
My Lord asked, “Do you love me more than Lydia?”
My heart paused, thinking of the reason why my Lord was posing such a question, but I answered, “Lord, you know I do.”
My heart yearned for my friend who lives back in the states, as I was running errands in the busy streets of Matagalpa, Nicaragua then my Lord asked, “So what if I took this friendship from you?”
I think I held my breathe for a few seconds then I softly replied from the depths of my heart, “I will still love you, Lord.”
Didn’t Even Say Good-bye
So it was no surprise to me, that as my Lord would orchestrate it, my faith would be tested. Events occurred that pressed my heart and led me to let go of my dearly loved friend.
I let go of one of the most precious treasured friends my soul had ever known on this earth.
I spent two days in quiet, almost grief, as if my friend had died. The enemy of my soul could not wait and launched his final attack.
The pressure was so high I could not hold back my tears any longer and I cried to God, “I can’t do it anymore, Lord! I don’t want to care anymore, it hurts!”
My Lord encouraged me to just let go and trust him.
“I didn’t even say good-bye to her, Lord,” was what my heart cried, “Does she even know I love her, that there is a real reason behind all this? Will Lydia ever forgive me?”
Once again my Lord replied, “Trust me, let go.”
I took courage in the Lord to trust him. I thought to myself, “This is all part of it. I know it is, for Christ must be my all-in-all. All this is ordained of God and all part of his weaving plan. Though I really do not understand.”
Without as much as a good-bye, in tears, I let go.
What I Discovered
When I finally let go…I fell right into the arms of my beloved Lord Jesus in tears, still able to feel and truly love my friend Lydia even more. And although I am unable communicate her for now, as my precious Lord has ordained it, my love and prayers only increase for her in God’s orchestrated plan.
To the human mind it makes no sense but to the heart of faith it does. This is not the end of the story of what God is doing in both our lives for His glory.
I have discovered Christ’s heart of love and forgiveness. With my Lord abiding in me like never before, I can earnestly quote:
“A friend loveth at all times…” Proverbs 17:17a regardless of the circumstances, for I truly KNOW it is my Lord living this verse in me towards my dearly loved friend.
Jesus’ love has won me over!
Oh to be willing to let go of our most precious treasures here on earth for the pearl of great price that does shine!
Jesus is my one and only true oasis that has a well of living water that never runs dry. And I pray my dear friend is experiencing the same and more so with our beloved Lord Jesus.
And in God’s timing, be it here on earth or in the presence of our King, I will once again fellowship with my dear friend. We will both look back in the light of His grace at all that has occurred knowing, His way is perfect and to God be ALL the glory!
My Need to Let Go
I know my story may sound rather odd. Letting go of something so precious?
But the root issue with my friend was not that we have a precious friendship and that I had to sacrifice it in some test of faith…the root issue on my end, that I feared to open my heart to others.
I did not want to leave our oasis where I found myself secure. But as God kept pressing me to let go, my oasis soon felt like a steep cliff that I was hanging on for dear life.
There were things Lydia and I shared that I had not even shared with my closest friends or even my dear husband. Fears I had, disappointments, dreams I longed and desired for etc.
Opening up my heart to Lydia was such a blessing as it blew away any chaff, the dust that had remained from my old heart of stone, and left my heart so open and tender. But I did not want to let go and reach out to others. Fear began to grip me.
God was prompting me not to fear and be willing to be an open testimony for Him without hesitation, trusting Him. I know my dear friend knew, for many times I told her, of my hesitations and struggles I had in my marriage and relationships with others of holding back God’s best for fear.
I truly believe Lydia to be a godly woman of prayer and somehow deep inside I even wonder if she prayed for God to work in my life and thus this has befallen us both. Making us/me willing to sacrifice our closeness that others around us would be blessed for the glory of God.
When I let go, I was more open to receive all God had for me. I shared with my dear husband my written communication I had had with Lydia. He read it ALL. My heart hesitated for a moment but I remembered that I let go.
What grace! My husband has my heart now! And he has become a dear friend to me like never before.
My other relationships have also been affected too! There is no need to fear, I am free to love to reach out to my children, to care and love my friends, my neighbors, to meet and be a blessing to strangers, people I never met before. My heart has been enlarged. I am free to be vulnerable, not out of fear but out of purpose and sacrifice for the glory of God.
I thank our God for his incredible weaving hand and once again declare,
“His way is perfect.”
Are you ready to let go?
When you let go, in faith to Jesus Christ, trusting Him for whatever He has for you then you will fall right into His precious arms of love.