Ever since I can remember people found that they could speak to me of deep matters of their heart. They would often unload on me burdens that if your analyzed would be considered very weighty for a child. Their burdens left me thinking that there was so much hurt in this world and I often felt my problems were nothing compared to what others were facing.
It is not wise to compare yourself with others. This is way to certainly become isolated feeling that you have nothing to offer.
I recall the first person that did so was my dear mom. She shared with her daughters one night, very challenging things she faced. I was 9 years old. After she finished I poked my head under the bedroom curtains to look out. I raised my head toward the night sky and in my heart I cried out, “How can I help her?!” Talking to a God somewhere out there who I did not know.
In my teen years my peers came to me with their problems. I just listened and in my heart cried, “What can I do?”
At 17 years old my emotional world began to collapse all around me. I was in heavy bondage to the enemy. After drama practice I quietly slipped into the bathroom to find a solitary place. Looking at myself in that big mirror, wondering. I knew deep in my heart I was hiding behind a drama mask of my own in real life.
A peer of mine who I really did not know had come in, noticed me and was wondering what was going on. Slowly tears began to stream down my eyes. She reached out her hand and put it on mine and said, “You’ve never cried in front of anyone have you?”
I thought, “How could she know? And why did she care?”
I felt like I was missing something as she comforted me and then left. I do not ever remember seeing her again. She reached out to me like nobody else had. I wanted to reach to people like that.
Salvation and Sanctification
God in his mercy saved me. He gave me a desire early on to be an intercessor. My heart fell in love with the Greatest Intercessor, our Lord Jesus Christ. I so desired to be just like Him.
It would be years of sanctification by God’s word and working in my life to finally take my untamed heart and break it for His glory (Long story I pray to write about some day in a book, Lord willing).
In 2013 I made a commitment by the grace of God not to turn away from people needs that God, by his Spirit, placed on my heart to intercede for. When I wrote this post it has been a little over a years since my commitment.
Interceding on the behalf of others has not been easy. It is especially challenging when my own flesh has gotten in the way and I have been rebuked by my Lord. But how wonderful that our Lord is merciful and picks us up again when we humble ourselves.
There have also been temptations to quit as I have been misunderstood, heartbroken, emotionally drained and discouraged. I have told my husband, “I don’t have to subject myself to all this but I am willing that our Lord be glorified.”
The other day my dear husband blessed me with these words, “No, you don’t have to subject yourself but what does an intercessor do?”
No question in my heart, they do what Jesus does. They willingly lay their down their life for others. What a humbling thought, “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” Gal 2:20
“And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved.” 2 Cor 12:15